Yesterday I started writing this beautiful and LONG heart-felt post about all that I am grateful for. It had meaning, well at least to me, and I wanted so much to keep writing and then to post it so the whole world could see how blessed I am and how yes even though I whine and bitch I do know how lucky I am and appreciate it. (And I also know how to write really long run on sentences! Sorry I have not finished my first cup of coffee so my thoughts are all jumbled together and messy! Please stay with me here I will eventually make a point!)
But then Jay walked into my office and asked me to come and watch the Macy’s parade with him and Grace. Perhaps the girl put him up to it, more likely than not she did, but non the less…. the simple fact that my boy, the same kid whom just two years ago did not get the purpose of any other holiday that did not revolve around him was now asking me to do something that I always asked him to do but he never partook in. I not only flew off the computer I leaped over the dinning room railing and landed safely in the nook of the couch. (Okay perhaps I really just walked over and plopped down there but that doesn’t sound as good!) And there I sat sandwiched between my two children who were still in their pajamas and smelled of sleep and DOVE Sensitive Skin soap and lotion. I could not help smiling as my boy mimicked the host and spewed out facts we all just heard a second before about the floats, balloons and bands. Even Grace who would usually be just as annoyed as me at that said nothing. It was as if the true meaning of the day was upon us. The three of us sat there content, grateful for each other, for our warm house and soft couch. Thankful for TV and and as Jay said no school and the opportunity to lounge around in his Fruit of the Loom Glory!
Then as if he some how sensed the moment the phone rang and it was Hubby calling us from Mexico to check in on us, to tell us how much he loved us and missed us. And Jay spoke with him, without having to be prompted. I listened to his part of the conversation and imaged my husband on the other side smiling because there was a time when conversations like this did not occur. Heck getting the boy to just say hello to daddy on the phone when he traveled was huge. Once again I felt thankful… grateful for how far we have come.
I would love to write that the rest of the day went just as smoothly. It was a wonderful day but we, of course had a few bumps in the road. But that is just it, things that before would have been HILLS maybe even MOUNTAINS were now just speed bumps. We needed to go a little slower over them, proceed with caution but we did not have to stop and we certainly did not get stuck at the top… we were able to keep going! And believe me… I am extremely GRATEFUL for that!
So this brings me back to the original post I started writing yesterday. I wrote many wonderful things on it but when I re read it at the end of the day I noticed that I left off something that I now realize I am grateful for. Perhaps to some it may seem weird that I am about to write it this but I am grateful for my son’s autism! I think I will repeat this and write in capital letters because some day when I am hating the “A” word I will come back to this post and remind myself this…
I AM THANKFUL FOR AUTISM and here is why…
Autism has forced me to slow down!(Remember those speed bumps?) Well guess what when you slow down you suddenly notice things outside the car window that before were just a blur because you were driving so fast. It is as if a whole new world has been opened up to me. I don’t always understand this new world but that is okay because my boy doesn’t always understand my fast paced rushed one either. Autism has taught me to embrace DIFFERENT and to not care so much what other people think. Autism has taught me to appreciate snuggling on the couch, the sound of my child asking me a question (over and over and over), and being able to watch a stupid parade on TV even when there is a 1,000 other things I should be doing. You see AUTISM has taught me that doing those things with my kids IS what I should be doing!
So yes I will say it again. I AM THANKFUL FOR MY SON’S AUTISM. I do not like the heartache it can cause him some days, the frustration he faces and anxiety. When he hurts I hurt and loving something that makes your baby hurt is not an easy thing. But it is a part of what makes Jay, JAY. So yes… I am grateful for Autism.
I am also grateful for my sweet baby Grace, my adoring hubby, my understanding family and friends, my TEAM of folks at Jay’s school, my walking partner and friend who will help me work off the gazillion calories I inhaled the past few days and of course ALL OF YOU! I do not say it often enough but THANK YOU my readers. My Village PEOPLE who get this and even if you don’t who get ME enough to know what I mean about it. Who put up with my run on sentences and misuse of the English language because once I get going writing I just can’t stop to edit and if I do not POST it as soon as I am done well then I will go back and start changing things and I promised myself that this blog would be RAW AND REAL and so that means mistakes and all! (There I go again with those dang run ons!) THANK YOU for coming back in spite of all that! Thank you for taking the time to comment and letting me know you are reading. AND THANK YOU for making me feel that I am not alone!