It’s 3:45am and I wake up and sit up in bed. I tell myself it is because of the heat. The stupid thermostat is at it again. For some reason it keeps raising the temperature on its own and the house has gone from warm and cozy to HOT. I try to ignore it but I can’t. I think about my children in their rooms the floor above me. If I am hot they must be too. So I go downstairs and fix it.
A sip of water, a trip to the bathroom a pat on the head of the dog along with a it’s too early so go back to sleep nudge and I climb back into my own bed. And I lie there. And Lie there. And lie there.
My thoughts start to race. First it starts with the checklist of things I need to do. Call the bank and find out why they have put a hold on that check. Take Grace’s dress to the dry cleaners so it will be done so she can wear it to the wedding party we have to go to next weekend. Get a present for that wedding party. Fill out the stack of forms for Jay’s pediatric neurologist appointment on Monday! And there it is… the real reason I am up.
It is not the thermostat… it is autism. Autism is like an elephant in a room. You try hard to ignore it, to go about your business as if having an elephant in your room is well for lack of a better word… normal. You walk by it, you try so hard to shut your eyes so you don’t see it, but guess what… it’s an elephant folks, it is kind of hard to ignore.
My mind is already racing about what we are going to do and we haven’t even gone to the appointment yet. It is a defense mechanism that I have developed over the years. Prepare for the worst and be happy when it isn’t so bad.
Whatever it is I know we will deal with it just as we have everything else… but it is 4:00am and my mind is racing going to those places that I try so very hard to not go to. Could the headaches he has been complaining about be seizures? Migraines? Just stress?
Autism is the elephant in the room you can not ignore, even at 4:01am… now 4:02am… it’s going to be a long day!