- Why is it called chili when it’s hot?
- Why is pizza round but it comes in a square box?
- Why do we drive on parkways but park in driveways?
There has been an abundance of How probing.
- How do you know when you are out of invisible ink?
- How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t grow in it?
- How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall, but it’s illegal to keep one as a pet?
Of course I have gotten plenty of What- ifs too.
- What if you stay awake all night, do you still have morning breath?
- What if a turtle loses his shell? Is he considered naked or homeless?”
- What if someone dies in the Living room, what do they call it then?
I have always managed to quench their inquiries with either the truth or at least something that resembles one. I became the KNOW IT ALL! The one person whom my children always felt they could turn to and get the real skinny on things. But somehow, without me even noticing, this idea of Mother Knows Best is slowly slipping away. I realized this the other day.
I sent my 10-year-old son out to walk the dog. When he returned I nonchalantly asked if our four-legged friend had done his business. My son replied,
I guess it took me too long to register and respond with the appropriate laugh he was looking for because my son poked his head out of the bathroom and said,
“Mom Hygieia … you know the goddess of health. Hygieia mom, as in hygiene, as in I needed to wash my hands. Get it?”
It was at this time that I suddenly realized that I was indeed not as smart as my 5th grader. And to make matters worse… I think he knew it!
I don’t know why I am surprised by this sudden realization. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I mean I created this little Einstein monster. From the moment my husband and I started to try to get pregnant I started reading Shakespeare out loud to my tiny zygote. We decorated the nursery in red, white and black because those were the colors that were supposed to stimulate brain development. We went to baby gym classes to build a healthy outside and gave him homemade baby foods for healthy inner. Basically I was Dr. Frankenstein doing everything and anything I could to make my baby’s mind come alive! And it worked! My son was stringing 3 words together to make a sentence by the time he was a year old. (And no those words were not “LEAVE ME ALONE”). He was, and still is, everything I wished for him to be.
You need to be careful what you wish for. One day while standing outside the bathroom door it all just might come back and bite you in your E = mc2 behind, bringing a whole new meaning to the theory of relativity.
I certainly welcome my son and daughter’s wealth of knowledge, with some unease of course. As Socrates said, “I know that I know nothing,” but until now I have been able to hide that from my kids. No longer will simple Mom-ism like, “Because I said so,” fly around here. My children are waiting, not so patiently might I add, for the hard-core facts, with footnotes and everything. Oh how I crave the simpler days when I could distract them and slip into the closet with my laptop to delve for the answers.
I do believe that it’s time to step up my parenting game. The last thing I need is for my kids to think that our home is a democracy. Nope, that’s not the way it works around here. Under this roof, the grownups are in charge, or at least my kids are smart enough to make me think that is still how it works.