So for those of you who read so many blogs you get confused… I left off yesterday with Jay describing what his meltdown felt like and him telling his OT and Speech Therapist all about it. So you see steps backwards but GIANT leaps forward.
Saturday presented some more GIANT LEAPS as well. Why is it though that our babies must suffer some in order to grow and make these leaps? I hate that!
If you read my blog you know that 2 weeks ago we had a Saturday Lemonade Stand and we raised $50 for Autism Speaks. Jay wanted to make this a weekly thing. However something came up this past Saturday which would not allow us to do so. Change is so hard. But my boy did his best to keep his calm.
What came up was that we found out last-minute that some very dear friends of ours who we met while living in Brazil were in the area for business and were available to visit with us. I was so excited.
You need to understand that these were the parents to T who Jay considers to be his best friend of all times. T and Jay were inseparable. In fact he would even spend the night with T… and he was always okay. T’s folks got Jay and I cannot begin to explain to you what a huge comfort and relief that was and something I truly have missed.
PROBLEM though… Only the parents were coming over. T and the rest of the family did not come this time. And Jay was heartbroken. I honestly was surprised by his reaction as he has not mentioned T in a long time. He has made some wonderful new friends and with the distance between T and Jay, well I thought perhaps Jay had just moved on. But I should have know better. When Jay cares about something, he does it in a way like no other can; with all his heart and soul.
T’s folks were coming over for lunch and I wanted to make them feel welcomed and special. We went all out, homemade stuffed shells and we even were going to try and make homemade ice cream too. Jay was very excited about that part, not so much the shells. Knowing that he does not like his food mixed all together, and that we were coming off a major roller coaster ride of emotions, I made some plain pasta for him. I wanted this visit to be about our guest and not Jay.
Finally they arrived. It was so nice to see them. Jay surprised me by even coming out on his own to greet them. He was polite and even let them hug him. And then he stepped back confused.
“Where is T?” he asked. Oh no… even though I had talked to him several times about how T was not coming, I guess my baby was still hoping that I was wrong and he would be there. T’s folks apologized and tried to explain to Jay what I already had tried to explain. Jay understood but was so very sad. And right there once again… my heart broke.
He ate his plain noodles, he smiled and nodded when someone said something to him and he answered when asked a question. But his heart was definitely not into it. It was like watching and reliving the episode of their last goodbye all over again like a bad repeat of a TV show. It was just so damn sad and sweet at the same time. To see my boy care that much, that is HUGE PEOPLE… a Giant Leap! And he held it together… that is even BIGGER!!!
When our guest left and the dishes were washed and all put away I went to talk to Jay. I found him in his room reading and he was using a picture of T as his book mark. He saw me looking at the picture. “It’s one of my favorite pictures of T and I. I miss him.” And for once… I truly understood what my boy was feeling because I too miss my best friends.
Tomorrow I will try to wrap up the rest of what forever will be known to me as the Weekend of Emotional HELL. I think I will call Part Four- “Rising like a Phoenix from the ashes“. Stay tuned… it will be a good one that will leave you smiling and so very proud of my boy! Giant Leaps I tell you people… GIANT!