Reflection Leads us to the truth…

It has been so long since I blogged here. WAY to long. I could make excuses, lots of them like how busy I have been, which granted I have. I could say I had nothing to blog about, but we all know that is a lie! I could just skip  any explanation to you and just write a post… but somehow that does not seem right. You see it would not just be you I would not be explaining why I have been MIA, but also myself! So instead, I will come clean with a recent discovery as to why I think I have not blogged in so long.

Me and my DADDY!
Me and my DADDY!

I MISS my dad! I have not blogged in so long because I think I  just could not handle not seeing a comment from my daddy. He always used to be my biggest fan, always leaving some funny little comment to make me laugh or letting me know how proud he was of me. I am so grateful for this blog because I have that now, little written pick me ups from my dad, just sitting here in cyber land waiting to be read whenever I need it most. How cool is that? Very cool, I know… YET, some how even though I am appreciative of that, it still does not make up for the fact that I will never get one of those comments from him again. That hurts… a lot! So because I was not ready to deal with that hurt, I just avoided it, pretended this wasn’t important anymore, I did not need it.

But here is the thing, I miss this blog just as much as I miss my daddy! There is something about just being able to lay it all out there; a one-sided conversation with myself and ummm… all you in cyber land too. And while I have done a great job sharing my life and stories on my Facebook page, it’s not the same. Especially since Facebook is making it so hard to have your posts seen unless you are willing to dish out an arm,  a leg and perhaps even my first-born. (For the record I’m not willing to do that!) So why today then, why this realization today?

Today, as I trolled other blogs and Facebook statuses one popped up by my sister. My sister is a teacher, not just A teacher, a fabulous teacher! But she is so much more, she is also in a program studying to become an administrator. The leadership program she is in believes that in order to be a good principle one day, you need to know why you have the beliefs you have. To do that you have to look back and reflect. Her post today was all about our dad and how she now knows that the road she is following has so much to do with the foundation my father laid before it was paved! Click HERE to read her post. She is an incredible writer, read it, you won’t be sorry!

As I wiped my tears after reading it, it became very clear to me that my father also paved the path for which I too have chosen to journey down. I owe it to him, to myself to be honest. For awhile there my heart was so heavy and well just dealing with my normal obligations was more than enough. But that is not what my father would want, it is not how he raised me to be. My sister reminded me of my father’s beliefs today:

He always made sure we understood that everyone we met deserved respect! Just because people are struggling a little, or a lot, does not mean that they don’t deserve our respect!” 

My sister wrote those words meaning something different from the way they read to me. My father taught us that everyone we met deserved my Jay, and so many others out there! I get a lump in my throat just typing this because just like my sister finally got it… I too now get it! And I too wish I would have figured this all out while my father was still alive to tell him how he inspired me to do what I now do.

This… this is what I am meant to do, what my father raised me to do. I need to write and do presentations and whatever else I can do in order to invite people to my cyber table where over dinner I can remind them that my boy and all the other Autistic folks out there deserve to be respected! That ALL PEOPLE deserve to be respected, be they gay, in a wheel chair, blind, hard of hearing, Jewish, Hispanic, Black, white, purple, tattooed … you get where I am going here with this!EVERYONE deserves to be treated with respect and dignity and heard and seen!

I get it now daddy and as long as I can, and as long as people will choose to read what I write, I will continue to do so, because that is what you raised me to do. You raised me to try to make a difference. You raised me to fight for what I believe in. You raised me to remember always where I came from so I can always appreciate where I am going and help those that stuck along the way. And most of all you raised me to believe THAT EVERY PERSON IS DESERVING OF RESPECT! I will do my best to spread that message daddy!

Although I have to admit, I will still miss your comments when I do!

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