Do you remember when I was 6 or 7 and you were teaching me to ride my bike without the training wheels? I was so scared of falling and I made you promise that you would not let go. You took my hand in yours looked me straight in the eyes and said to trust you. So I did.
With every wobble you reminded me that you had me. When my balance wavered you reminded me that you would not let me fall. With one hand you held on to the seat with a tight grip, the other hand softly rested on the small of my back. You were holding me up, keeping me steady, gently guiding me along. You never left my side.
Then just when I got used to having you there… you let go.
I remember looking back at you, a sense of fear and even anger rising through me for after all you had promised to not let go. But that anger quickly faded when I saw you standing there so proudly cheering me on. I remember a sense of peace flow through me, a knowledge that this man waving back at me would always be there, standing firmly in place, waving to me, cheering me on!
How ironic that this memory comes back to me now. I keep looking back Dad, waiting to see you waving back at me, but you are not there.
At first I admit, I was angry that you left. I know it was your time to go and it hurt me so to see you in such pain. I know you are in a better place, peaceful, content. Yet I cannot help but long to feel your hand softly resting on the small of my back.
I miss your smile,your laugh, your words of advice and you proudly cheering me on. But I know that although it will not ever be better, with each day it will get easier.
I also know that although I may not physically see you waving back at me when I look back; you will always be there holding me up, keeping me steady, gently guiding me along.
You never left my side!
I love you daddy with, every beat of my heart!
P.S. Here is OUR SONG