My head hurts from beating myself up over the way I handled a situation…
I am my own worst critic. I judge myself the harshest. This is what I tell myself… but I am thinking that might not be true. I may be my daughter’s worst critic and judge her the harshest and I am so ashamed to admit this.
There was an incident this morning. A fashion crisis that was so stupid and over the top and well I did not do anything to help the situation. I escalated it with I TOLD YOU SOs and should have’s and shouldn’t halves. I raised my voice and spoke too sternly. I cared too much about what other people would think instead of my own daughter! And I have been beating myself up about it all morning and quite honestly I have a headache from it.
I made a mistake. I was stressed and tired and yes I handled the problem the wrong way… but I am human. Humans make mistakes.
I want my daughter to know, which I am sure she does by now but just in case she really does now, that moms make mistakes. I don’t have all the answers even though I like to think I do. I am not always happy-go-lucky and sweet and nice. I have bad days where I feel bitter and resentful and tired and cranky. A LOT OF THEM! (Just ask my family!) I don’t like having those days or feeling it but you know… it makes the good days that much better.
So I decided to write this… perhaps more for myself than any of you readers. I needed to admit that yes I made a mistake. I feel bad about it. But it is okay!
Today when my daughter gets home from school I will talk to her about how I handled the situation the wrong way. Heck I will probably let her read this post! Then I will reassure her that I love her and that this was more my problem than hers. I will try to build up any of the self-confidence I might have stripped down. I will let her know how ashamed I am and then I will let her know that I have decided to not beat myself up any more.
I will tell her that mistakes are okay as long as we learn from them. That just like I tell her, I am responsible for my actions. I will tell her I am sorry if the words I spoke and the way I spoke them stung worst than a slap, and remind her to remember that feeling and to try her hardest to not do it others. I will try to make this bad situation into a good one. I will do that for both of our benefits… because I so desperately need to do that to feel better, less shameful or bad.
I will hug her close and give her extra attention which she will eagerly slop up, because it makes ME feel better! Another thing I am ashamed to admit.
But it is okay that I will do this… because I am not perfect, I make mistakes. (I figure if I write it and say it enough times I am bound to believe it sooner or later! )