My head hurts from beating myself up over the way I handled a situation…

I am my own worst critic. I judge myself the harshest. This is what I tell myself… but I am thinking that might not be true. I may be my daughter’s worst critic and judge her the harshest and I am so ashamed to admit this.

There was an incident this morning. A fashion crisis that was so stupid and over the top and well I did not do anything to help the situation. I escalated it with I TOLD YOU SOs and should have’s and shouldn’t halves. I raised my voice and spoke too sternly. I cared too much about what other people would think instead of my own daughter! And I have been beating myself up about it all morning and quite honestly I have a headache from it.

I made a mistake. I was stressed and tired and yes I handled the problem the wrong way… but I am human. Humans make mistakes.

I want my daughter to know, which I am sure she does by now but just in case she really does now, that moms make mistakes. I don’t have all the answers even though I like to think I do. I am not always happy-go-lucky and sweet and nice. I have bad days where I feel bitter and resentful and tired and cranky. A LOT OF THEM! (Just ask my family!) I don’t like having those days or feeling it but you know… it makes the good days that much better.

So I decided to write this… perhaps more for myself than any of you readers. I needed to admit that yes I made a mistake. I feel bad about it.  But it is okay!

Today when my daughter gets home from school I will talk to her about how I handled the situation the wrong way. Heck I will probably let her read this post!  Then I will reassure her that I love her and that this was more my problem than hers. I will try to build up any of the self-confidence I might have stripped down. I will let her know how ashamed I am and then I will let her know that I have decided to not beat myself up any more.

I will tell her that mistakes are okay as long as we learn from them. That just like I tell her, I am responsible for my actions. I will tell her I am sorry if the words I spoke and the way I spoke them stung worst than a slap, and remind her to remember that feeling and to try her hardest to not do it others. I will try to make this bad situation into a good one. I will do that for both of our benefits… because I so desperately need to do that to feel better, less shameful or bad.

I will hug her close and give her extra attention which she will eagerly slop up, because it makes ME feel better! Another thing I am ashamed to admit.

But it is okay that I will do this… because I am not perfect, I make mistakes. (I figure if I write it and say it enough times I am bound to believe it sooner or later! )

One thought on “My head hurts from beating myself up over the way I handled a situation…

  1. Confession time. I have been harsh and critical with my children in the past. I too went back and apologized and asked for forgiveness. It was granted and they know for certain that I am not perfect. I am human and so are you. Congrats for admitting that. So many parents do not admit their mistakes and apologize, and keep putting bricks in the walls built between them and their children. ((hugs))

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