I know in the big picture of things I certainly don’t have a right to be bothering you. You have mamas saying prayers to you as they stand by the side of their dying babies, people who have had their whole world destroyed by tornadoes or some other natural disaster, important things are on your plate, things that affect a greater number of the population. I understand this, and yet, here I am Lord, reaching out to you because well… I am lost.
I am lost because there has always been something that has gotten me through the tough times, HOPE and well lately… that Hope has been a bit harder to see. I became aware of something that happened the other day LORD that took my little bit of HOPE, and I hate that it did it, but I can’t help it.
I know you know what I am referring to LORD, for you placed me there in that cafe, at that time, with those moms. I know there is a reason behind everything you do, and yes perhaps that is what this letter to you is all about, to figure out what I am supposed to do with this. You see Lord, when I heard the story that those two special needs moms told me, it rocked my very soul. The message could not be any clearer then if you would have set a bush on fire. I know this story was a warning, a wake up call because I have been so blissfully naive thinking that everything I have done this year to prepare my boy for next year, middle school, would keep him safe, keep the bullies at large, keep the stories like the one I heard from happening to my boy. I knew that there were mean people , kids, and that the school he will attend was no exception. But how naive I was to not realize that these children had to learn it from someone. How innocent I was to not even consider that the someone they could learn it from could be their teacher. My heart still fills up with sorrow when I just think about the story, and remember the faces of these two moms as they told it to me. It could have been me, it could have been my child… it still could!
Lord I know you are busy, but please can you help me understand why you allow our children to have to go through this? How can a teacher say and humiliate a child like that? Using our kids as punishment? Making our children who try so hard to just fit in, STAND OUT even more? “If you misbehave Johnny I will make you sit by the Annoying Kid!” That is what this teacher said Lord, referring to the special needs child as if they were an ogre in the room, or something else that is not wanted. MANY TIMES! FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR!
I know you heard it.
So yes, I am LOST because I cannot wrap my mind around this. These two children, and who knows how many others, suffered this type of bullying the entire year, by the teacher and then of course suffered the aftermath from the kids in the class… and these poor moms just found out! OMG… that could have been me, it could have been my child… IT STILL COULD because she is still there!
For two days I have been going over and over and over this in my head. It never leaves my mind. While making dinner, while driving to physical therapy, while reading a bed time story… in the back of my mind all I am thinking is that no matter what I do, there is someone out there just waiting to knock my child down. I carefully set the blocks up, I give him social stories and tools to climb. He works his butt off to get up there and then… just like that all that hard work comes crashing to the ground and my boy along with it. Eventually my baby won’t want to get back up and that is what scares the hell out of me.
I don’t want to live my life scared, LORD. I want to believe that things can change, that it WILL be different for my boy and those that follow him. I want to know that I CAN MAKE a difference. I want my HOPE BACK!
Dear Lord… I know in the big picture of things I certainly should not be bothering you. But you see MY KIDS ARE MY BIG PICTURE! I don’t know what it is you want me to do, but I feel like I need to do something. So once again… I am reaching out to you and asking that you PLEASE help me. Give me back my HOPE so that I can help others find theirs!
Yours faithfully, SHARON