On Mama’s Last NERVE or How my Hubby burned his “Manly STUFF” with a Hair Dryer…

When I start a post with a disclaimer like, “I Love my children, BUT…” You know it is not a good sign. Today’s rant has nothing to do with autism. Nope it is just the whining and grunting of a mom who has been pushed to the edge. A mom who was hanging on by a string, and not a very long one mind you, and then SNAP… there it went. But it is also a very funny post… hey I am going to explain how my husband burned his “Manly parts” with a hair dryer because of me and my going over the edge! Now if that doesn’t keep you reading, not sure what will.

Some wise person (if I ever get my hands on that guy) decided that two days off of school would be a good idea. Teacher Conference days and voting day. So we had a LONG weekend. Now remember… last week was crazy because Jay was sick and well, I am behind on EVERYTHING. When mama is feeling behind, lets just say she gets stressed. And when Mama gets stressed… you better stay back. You would think my family would know this by now. Just in case they don’t, I have no problem telling them. 

“Unless you are bleeding or not breathing, leave Mama alone”, I yelled at them from behind the mountain of laundry. But alas… they did not heed my warning.

I am not sure exactly when  my nerve snapped. It could have been when Grace yelled she had nothing to wear and then proceeded to unfold every piece of HER clothing, the same stack I had just folded and asked her to please put away, in an effort to find something. Maybe it was when I asked her to go wash her face and she did… but she used my bath towel to do so and then dumped the entire thing in the sink and left the wet mess on my bathroom floor. Or maybe it was the wet dog that chose to sit on the previously mentioned wet towel and then jump on my bed with I had just made with fresh new clean sheets… that might have been the breaking point.Whatever it was…my nerves were strung tighter than Venus Williams’ racquet.

Hubby was in our bathroom  getting ready for work. I gathered my clothes and walked in, closing the door behind me. For some reason the children never bother him when he is in there. I naively thought I would actually be able to get dress, brush my hair and perhaps even put some lipstick on without being interrupted. Hubby was standing there in his birthday suit blow drying his hair. I am not sure why he does it this way… but yes that is how he does it. I was just about to jump into my jeans when I heard a knock at the door.

“Mom, Mom Mom!” said the voice that sounded like my daughter’s but couldn’t possibly be because my daughter knew better than to bother me.

“Grace I am getting dressed. Can’t you just wait 10 minutes?”

“Mom, Mom, Mom”, she continued on excitedly.

“Seriously Grace, it can’t wait?”

“No!”

I open the door a crack. And there was my daughter, who by the way was not bleeding and her breathing was just fine. She then proceeded to start telling me some story about how she and Jay were playing so nicely.

“I’m the cheerleader and I am cheering him on while he plays Wii Fencing. Listen to this mom. Come on Jay you’re doing great I even think you lost some weight! Isn’t that the funniest…”

And then I slammed the door in her face! My husband started laughing so hard that some how the hairdryer slipped from his hand and well… yeah you get the picture!And I know I shouldn’t have, perhaps I can blame it on those damn nerves snapping but I could not help but fall on the floor laughing as my hubby hopped back and forth from foot to foot blowing down as if that some how would actually help.And then I couldn’t help myself. I stood up and in my best cheerleader voice I said…

” It’s Okay Honey I still think your neat, even if you have  Charred MEAT!”

 

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