Tired Supermom or One SUPER TIRED MOM?

Instead of a weekly wrap up of different posts I have read… I am going to do a weekly wrap up on ME!!! I have focused a lot the past few days on Jay and his leaps and falls. I briefly  have touched or mentioned myself. This post will be about me. I am actually going to try to go there. So watch out because honestly, I am not sure where THERE is.

So here is what I have been thinking. I spend a great deal of time worrying and questioning myself. There are a lot of things worrying me. Things that I wont get into publicly, but are there nonetheless. A couple of times I have felt overwhelming fear over things I know I really am unable to control. I worry about my children’ s future. My future! I question my parenting skills. I worry that I am not doing something that I should be doing. I question if there is a better way. Bills, money, should I go back to work? Questions, doubt and FEAR! Lots and lots of fear.

Back and forth , forward and back. I go round and round and round and honestly this type of thinking gets me no where real quick.

I am so tired of this and yet I can’t figure out how to stop. I have tried to Let Go Let God but some how I am not doing that right either. I still lay awake at night replaying past situations and imaging future ones.Obviously I am not letting Go.

I wouldn’t say I am depressed, I am just a bit anxious and TIRED! No wonder my kids are tense. And you see… that right there, that makes me feel worse and adds guilt to it all. I feel guilty because I know I am lucky and I shouldn’t feel the way I do.

But then I get mad because you know what… it is okay to feel bad sometimes, right? Why do I do that? Why do I not allow myself to feel however the hell I need or want to feel?

And right now I feel TIRED! I am tired of feeling guilty, angry and all the other negative things.

I envy people who have a strong religious belief. Those of you who truly can turn over your worries and feel a sense of calm knowing that G-d is there and he is leading your life. I want that, really I do. Believe me, I would gladly let the big guy take the driver’s seat. But some how I know that even if I did, I would be sitting there next to him questioning his sense of direction.  “You turned Left God when we were supposed to turn right. You missed a stop sign God. God, hurry up we are late! ”

My husband says it is not religion I lack, it is Positive Mental Attitude. PMA… a simple belief that everything will be okay. Seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty, that type of thing. But how do you get it? How do you just stop years and years of negative thinking and just believe that everything will turn out okay? How do you wipe out all your beliefs that in order to be successful you must DO lots and lots of DOING and not just BE?

These are the questions among others that have had me awake at night lately.No wonder I am tired.

So there you have it. An honest look at how I have been feeling lately. Mixed up, sad, angry about being angry, tired of being tired and  a little alienated perhaps. That about  sums it up.

No it is not all gloom and doom. I still can see the good and appreciate it. I just wish I could spend more time living in the moment instead of worrying about the next one.The problem is I can’t seem to figure out how to really do that.

And I just wish I didn’t feel so damn tired! I am talking newborn baby type of tired. Ugghhhh!

Am I the only one that feels this way? Can any of you relate? Have any of you been there or should I say HERE, and some how have turned it around? Would love to hear from you?

6 thoughts on “Tired Supermom or One SUPER TIRED MOM?

  1. Been there, done that, and occasionally still slip into that same spot. I have a strong faith in God, but also have a strong drive to DO SOMETHING to solve my problems (or my childrens’ problems). I think I am healthier now. I had to start taking anti-anxiety medication, started attending church regularly, and made regular dates with my friends which did not include children. My hubby and I go out on a date once a week too. We were fortunate enough to have Handy Man’s mom two blocks away when our boys were young, and she would watch the kids for an hour or two so we could get away. I hope you become engergized and find some peace by nurturing yourself. It is good for the whole family if you take care of yourself.

  2. Thanks Ladies, really appreciate the support. Since I wrote this last week… I am feeling better. I still felt the need to post this though because I think it is important to get it out there. Being a mom is HARD!!! Add on that any special needs and well… even harder.

  3. So tired and so relate. I especially relate to just going and going and never just being. I don’t know how to sit and just “be” either. My mind is comparable to a hamster in a wheel…just running and running and running and never getting anywhere. I am sorry you are tired and running on empty, but just know you aren’t alone.

  4. Been there done that. But not to ofton. MY mom always said. Remember to pray about everything as God has everthing under control He will never give you more then you can handle. It is easier to pray then it is to worry.

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