Part TWO- Or Jay Tries to Run AWAY!

Yesterday I started telling you a about Jay’s meltdown of all meltdowns. If you have not read Part One of this story go ahead… we can wait.

So I left off with Gracie asking if I needed a hug. It amazes me how sometimes she can be so mature, so in tuned with others and their needs. It also saddens me because it makes me realize how much Jay isn’t like that.

Grace tried hard to make me laugh. She was betting me how long it would take Jay to come out of the bathroom. “I bet he will be out in 10 minutes, saying he is sorry and how hungry he is. Just wait Mama you will see!”

Well she was right, at least half right. He did come out in 10 minutes but instead of being calmer he had worked himself up even more. He yelled something at me that I honestly could not understand because he was crying so hard. What I did understand was that my baby boy was heading out the door. With dramatic flair, he flung the door open and then stopped and turned. He narrowed his eyes on me and then said, “I’m leaving. I can’t live here any more.” And he walked out the door, slamming it in my face.

Now to some of you, this may just sound like a spoiled tantrum. It would be easy to say ignore it, or tell him to have a nice trip and call when he gets to wherever he is going. But this was more than that. Jay was on overload. I was more worried for his safety then I was to teach him any lessons. I was scared that he would be so lost in his own despair that he would not see a car coming, or something equally as dangerous.  So I ran after him and I made him come back. Thank God he listened. He was upset but he still listened. He is such a good boy.

Reluctantly he came back in and stormed upstairs where I heard his bedroom door slam yet again. I knew he was back in his closet.

Gracie said in almost a whisper, “I would have missed him if he ran away.” I told her that perhaps her brother could use hearing that at this moment. I told her she should go up there and tell him, and that if she wanted to mention that mommy isn’t really all that bad, well I would not mind that.

10 minutes later, Gracie came back down. I asked her what happened. She told me that he was indeed in his closet and that he let her in. They talked and he seemed to be calmer. She also told me, “Jay says that you know longer deserve to be called mom and that for now on he would refer to you as Sharon!” I did not know whether to laugh at this, go up there and smack him or cry. I chose laughter.

About 30 minutes later Jay came down. He looked so tired and honestly older… as if this whole incident had taken years off his young life. I know it did mine! Well at least added more grey hair!

He said he was sorry and he was so hungry he would even eat the meatloaf. We talked about what happened. Then Jay said something very interesting.

He said he could not put into words what happened but he could show me. He then did all these crazy hand gestures whooshing around his head crashing into his brain over and over, constantly coming at him. He said it felt like a vein in his head was going to explode. We talked about calming techniques and how if he could tell us before that vein exploded that it was getting there, we could help him calm  down.

Of course he said he was sorry and how bad he felt and that he loved me and thought I was a good mom. It almost hurt more to hear all that. It hurt because I know how tough Jay is on himself. I really did not need to punish him because he was doing a number on himself. However, I did take his DS away for a while.  I told him that everyone has a right to feel upset sometimes, and how everyone has a choice as to how they react to being upset. However, everyone is also responsible for their own actions too. Since Jay is the rule Nazi he got this and even though he was upset, he turned over his DS willingly.

The good part to this story is that Jay understood that how he reacted was not appropriate. In fact he understood this so much that on his own he told this story to both his Speech Therapist and his OT. He even asked his Speech Therapist if she could perhaps come up with a way to help him remember what to do should that vein in his head start trembling. I was so proud of him!

So this ends Part Two of my weekend. Remember this was only Friday! I still have Saturday, Sunday and Monday to go! Part Three  or “Where is my Best Friend” is tomorrow!

 

8 thoughts on “Part TWO- Or Jay Tries to Run AWAY!

  1. I’m so jealous. Yet, so HAPPY for you and for Jay. Tommy’s 16 and still can not articulate his feelings, emotions and anger such as Jay. I’m so happy there’s a happy ending to your story. I was worried it was going to take a turn for the worse. Gracie, is one word. AWESOME <3

    1. I know I am lucky and I try to remind myself that every day. He is verbal and he is so very smart and really he is a wonderful boy. Sometimes, I admit though it is hard to remember how lucky I am when he is melting down time after time after time. It is just so draining and I get so tired. When I am tired it is easy to forget just how lucky we are. I pray that your Tommy finds a way to express himself some day soon!

      Grace is amazing but she is also a handful. She is sometimes more needy than Jay. I often get very frustrated with her because I feel at the time that she should know better. Then I have to remind myself that she is only going to be 8. In so many ways she is so mature for her age becaue of Jay and autism. It is not fair. I have much guilt about her too… and she knows it and uses it! GRRRRRRR

  2. I know it’s a myth, but this weekend was a full moon weekend and my kids were so wound up! Major drama. Hang in there. Summers can be rough trying to keep kids busy and with the heat lately, it makes it trickier.

  3. I’m the same with my Brianna. She’s 14. I take for granted that she’s so self sufficient. She’s very clingy.. and I’m usually running on fumes. Lately i’ve been making a CONCERTED effort to give her 1 on 1 time. It’s so EASY to look at someone else’s situation and feel “gawd is that ALL she has to deal with.. I am so guilty of that lately. I totally get the sibling thing. Brianna is 14 going on 22 and JUST really starting to give her view on things. Its so interesting. And, insightful. Brianna and Tommy have never been really close at all. He usually could care less what she’s doing most of the time.

    Most of all, im 110% certain, without a doubt, that if Tommy could articulate his feelings like Jay, he’d say the same exact things. lol I go from cute little (BIG) boy talking to “FUCK YOU BITCH!” Oh how I wish there was an in between. haha! I don’t even know how we’ve gotten to this!!!! It’s been quite a year. I like the tent idea though. My husband is going to kill me . Oh well!

  4. We have been there done that too! Blue actually got further down the street than we anticipated then he disappeared. Dad and I had to go two separate ways to coral him in. It was scary! Blue can also articulate his feelings after he calms down. We can plan strategies till we’re blue in the face. They don’t always work once that gasket is blown! It has gotten somewhat better with age and a little Abilify. The summers are really hard for him.

    Red on the other hand is not very insightful and doesn’t really like talking about his feelings all that much…at least not with me. Red is a little more like Rhonda’s Tommy! He hasn’t said the f-word to me but I’m sure I’ve been called a few B-words behind closed doors! I have definitely gotten the “I hate you! from both of them. Just remember that’s the autism talking.

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