Yesterday I started telling you a about Jay’s meltdown of all meltdowns. If you have not read Part One of this story go ahead… we can wait.
So I left off with Gracie asking if I needed a hug. It amazes me how sometimes she can be so mature, so in tuned with others and their needs. It also saddens me because it makes me realize how much Jay isn’t like that.
Grace tried hard to make me laugh. She was betting me how long it would take Jay to come out of the bathroom. “I bet he will be out in 10 minutes, saying he is sorry and how hungry he is. Just wait Mama you will see!”
Well she was right, at least half right. He did come out in 10 minutes but instead of being calmer he had worked himself up even more. He yelled something at me that I honestly could not understand because he was crying so hard. What I did understand was that my baby boy was heading out the door. With dramatic flair, he flung the door open and then stopped and turned. He narrowed his eyes on me and then said, “I’m leaving. I can’t live here any more.” And he walked out the door, slamming it in my face.
Now to some of you, this may just sound like a spoiled tantrum. It would be easy to say ignore it, or tell him to have a nice trip and call when he gets to wherever he is going. But this was more than that. Jay was on overload. I was more worried for his safety then I was to teach him any lessons. I was scared that he would be so lost in his own despair that he would not see a car coming, or something equally as dangerous. So I ran after him and I made him come back. Thank God he listened. He was upset but he still listened. He is such a good boy.
Reluctantly he came back in and stormed upstairs where I heard his bedroom door slam yet again. I knew he was back in his closet.
Gracie said in almost a whisper, “I would have missed him if he ran away.” I told her that perhaps her brother could use hearing that at this moment. I told her she should go up there and tell him, and that if she wanted to mention that mommy isn’t really all that bad, well I would not mind that.
10 minutes later, Gracie came back down. I asked her what happened. She told me that he was indeed in his closet and that he let her in. They talked and he seemed to be calmer. She also told me, “Jay says that you know longer deserve to be called mom and that for now on he would refer to you as Sharon!” I did not know whether to laugh at this, go up there and smack him or cry. I chose laughter.
About 30 minutes later Jay came down. He looked so tired and honestly older… as if this whole incident had taken years off his young life. I know it did mine! Well at least added more grey hair!
He said he was sorry and he was so hungry he would even eat the meatloaf. We talked about what happened. Then Jay said something very interesting.
He said he could not put into words what happened but he could show me. He then did all these crazy hand gestures whooshing around his head crashing into his brain over and over, constantly coming at him. He said it felt like a vein in his head was going to explode. We talked about calming techniques and how if he could tell us before that vein exploded that it was getting there, we could help him calm down.
Of course he said he was sorry and how bad he felt and that he loved me and thought I was a good mom. It almost hurt more to hear all that. It hurt because I know how tough Jay is on himself. I really did not need to punish him because he was doing a number on himself. However, I did take his DS away for a while. I told him that everyone has a right to feel upset sometimes, and how everyone has a choice as to how they react to being upset. However, everyone is also responsible for their own actions too. Since Jay is the rule Nazi he got this and even though he was upset, he turned over his DS willingly.
The good part to this story is that Jay understood that how he reacted was not appropriate. In fact he understood this so much that on his own he told this story to both his Speech Therapist and his OT. He even asked his Speech Therapist if she could perhaps come up with a way to help him remember what to do should that vein in his head start trembling. I was so proud of him!
So this ends Part Two of my weekend. Remember this was only Friday! I still have Saturday, Sunday and Monday to go! Part Three or “Where is my Best Friend” is tomorrow!