Goddammit I am MAD! No Beyond MAD!

I know I know being angry is a useless emotion. I have heard it all…

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?  ~Sydney J. Harris

If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot.  ~Korean Proverb

He who angers you conquers you.  ~Elizabeth Kenny

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.  ~Author Unknown

Anger is one letter short of danger.  ~Author Unknown

I also know this one:
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.  ~Mark Twain

And so with good ole Twain in mind I will repeat … GODDAMMIT I AM MAD! Why must things be so difficult? Why can’t people return phone calls? Emails? Why must everything be such a cluster F**K! I was going to write the word but I know my mom reads this and I really don’t feel like a lecture. Oh hell… I will just type it, why must everything be such a CLUSTER FUCK! Ah.. Twain is right that felt so much better!(And mom PLEASE I beg you… spare me the lecture this one time! Thanks)

Sorry if I offended anyone. I usually don’t use language but that is how mad I am. I am tired of coming to dead ends and getting no where. I have run into wall after wall and I just don’t have the energy to try to climb over any more right now. My mind is spinning and for the first time, I am just lost as to what I should do. I know in the big picture that what has me so angry is really not that HUGE of a deal… but it matters to me. I mean it really matters. Before you can possibly understand why this whole thing matters so much, you have to really understand how I got to where I am now. So here is Mama’s story!

Before I was Mama, I was just Sharon. Sharon was pretty stupid and thought she knew everything. I gave up a partial scholarship to a very good University to attend a local Community College because I did not want to leave my boyfriend behind. I ended up marrying the jerk and dropped out of college to pretend to be a happy married person. Thank God I got smart and got rid of the looser. I then went back to my community college and got my AA. After that I packed up my bags and moved to the Big Apple to study there. But before I graduated  with my BA I realized that I had only really moved there to get away from my ex. I left school again and moved back to Florida.  Life got in the way of my education for a while. Finally after years, my current husband, encouraged me to go back to school. I enrolled at Florida International University but instead of pursuing Theater which I would have only needed a few more credits to graduate, I changed my major to Communications. Then I got pregnant! I dropped out again.

When we moved to Brazil, I thought that would be the perfect time to finally go back and finish my degree. I have always been embarrassed by not having those stupid initials. It was a reminder of every stupid decision that I ever made. So I enrolled again to FIU but this time as an online student. I once again changed my major. Partially because I needed something that offered all its courses online, and the other part because it really interested me. I became a Criminal Justice major with a focus on Justice Public Affairs/Social Work.

For two years I have juggled work, my home, kids and their schedules and classes. I have given up many things and I know my children have suffered some as well. I cannot tell you how many times I have turned them away because mommy was busy studying. Even though the guilt I felt was tremendous I also thought I was teaching them a valuable life lesson… FINISH YOUR SCHOOL BEFORE YOU START YOUR LIFE! They got it too.

This past December I should have graduated. I passed all my required course. I made the Deans Honor Roll too. My grade point average was 3.65! I was so excited to get my diploma in the mail… but it never came. I called the school and they told me not to worry that it took time to be mailed to me. January turned into February… no diploma. I called again and was told that I did not graduate because the University had no record of me ever fulfilling the two-year language requirement. I was floored. Why had no one told me this before? I told them that I was waived of that because I took 2 years of Spanish in high school. They needed proof.

I called my High School. They do not keep records that go back that far… and I am talking I graduated way back when FRANKIE SAYS t-shirts were popular! They would need to search the archives (Like that statement made me feel good), and it would take 6 weeks. That was okay because it would mean I could still graduate in Spring.

Finally… I thought after all this time. After over 20 years I would be graduating in May. Well guess what? NOPE!!!!

I feel like crying now. I have gotten so much of a run around. The university says they did not ever receive the records. The High School says they sent them. I called the Community College to see if they had a copy of my High School transcripts and they do not. It seems that Language was not required back then.

There is no Grandfather clause. The University says its hands are tied. They suggest that I just take the language classes at the university. Problem… I don’t live in Miami and they don’t offer the classes online. Also why should I have to pay for 6 more credits at $368 a credit… you do the math… when I took language before.  Also that would mean I would not graduate until next Spring! Another year of not having my initials when I have done everything I am supposed to do.

So GODDAMMIT I am MAD! This is a huge Cluster FUCK! I have made so many long distance calls. Sent so many emails. Been transferred to person after person and still no answers. I just don’t know where to turn to now.

If any of you have any suggestions… Please lay them on me. I just don’t have the energy to think any more. I feel like everything I have worked for has been a waste. When I finally do get the stupid diploma it just won’t be the same any more. How very sad!

Whew… that was a lot! Sorry about that.

And yes I know…

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?  ~Sydney J. Harris

If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot.  ~Korean Proverb

He who angers you conquers you.  ~Elizabeth Kenny

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.  ~Author Unknown

Anger is one letter short of danger.  ~Author Unknown

8 thoughts on “Goddammit I am MAD! No Beyond MAD!

  1. Oh, honey. That so bites. Bastards!
    Congratulations on finishing. I’m sorry you have this roadblock. At the high school you went to, do you know if your guidance counselor is still there? That is one place you can try and find out something. If he/she is still there, they might be more inclined to look for you.
    I have a friend who works for a school board in my hometown. I will copy your problem and see if he might have some suggestions as well.

    1. Bernie thanks. I was dueled enrolled back then. I attended half day at regular high school and then went to the Community College to take special magnet acting classes. I never really had the whole regular high school experience where you build a relationship with the counselor. besides my graduating class was over 1,000 people.

      Thank you so much for the suggestion and for offering to ask your friend. I appreciate it! Maybe they will have an idea that I have not already had or tried!

  2. I don’t blame you for your anger. It seems well deserved. Sorry your getting the run around. Anyway the High School could send you the transcript and you could send it on to FIU? Good Luck.

    1. I suggested that but then it is not considered an official transcript! This is ridiculous and remember it takes 6 weeks they tell me to find my damn transcripts in archives! AND THEY SENT IT! FIU lost it some how but of course they won’t admit that. If I was there I am sure I could get to the bottom of it but I cannot fly there now. It is the end of the school year for the kids. Crazy time here… just not an option. Sigh! I am still waiting for the stupid register at the high school to call me back to offer me some tracking number or something. Meanwhile I have until next Friday or else I miss the cut off for graduating this term. I will have to wait until next Fall! SIGH! A whole year later. Just ridiculous.

  3. Ummm I have some experience in this area 🙂 If the highschool sends it to you and you do not OPEN the envelope it is official. Any plans to go down to florida this summer?? you can hand delever it. I had to deal with FIU as well. I too am waiting to see if my May graduation really went through like they said…………………

  4. I think it is great that you finished and personally, although I don’t like to use offensive language either, a few good curse words definelty seem in order! (I’m saying them right now in your honor! Lol!)

    I wish I had something to add to the above suggestions, although I did wonder if you spoke with the superintendent of your high school if he could do anything to aide the situation. But, you may have tried that already! My thoughts are with you that this will be solved.

    Thanks for the comments on my site, it’s great to hear from someone who walks a similar path. I love that your son has a name for your song!! All the best!!

  5. Sharon I got so wraped up in your post that I forgot to say that I would be honored if you included me in your top 5 for the week! Thank you, you made my day!!

  6. Sorry you’re having such a hard time. Don’t know what it is yet but there’s a lesson here… Don’t let it dampen your spirit, it will be your silver lining when it finally happens. Hey! It’s there already, you just don’t have that piece of paper.

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