Captain Sweatpants, I mean Captain Croc-n-Sock vs The Ebay Monster

When we last saw our Hero he had finally ditched his sweatpants for elastic shorts and crocs with socks. Cool and comfortable in his new SPRING/SUMMER Uniform, Captain Sweatpants Captain Croc-n-Sock is now ready to save the world from the clutches of evil. Little does he know that the arch-villain he is about to encounter is his very own mother, AKA the NAG HAG.

As our Saga unfolds, the Nag Hag has  gone into Super Hydro Spring Cleaning Mode. Drawing power from some unknown force, she relentlessly attacks the closets. No drawer remains untouched. As if she is possessed , she rhythmically unfolds a shirt, sizes it up and then tosses it into one of three piles.


Suddenly a fourth pile appears and starts to grow quite large. The Nag Hag bellows for our Hero to come upstairs and GASP… try on clothes.

In an effort to distract the Nag Hag  and get out of tedious painful labor, which fastening buttons most certainly is, our hero engages the help of his little sister, aka Little Firecracker. “I’ll act as a decoy while you move the clothes to the other piles”, plots Captain Croc-n-Sock. Little Firecracker agrees as she knows it is only a matter of time before the Nag Hag gets to her closet.

A woman with normal vision might miss such a small speeding target, but the Nag Hag is anything but normal. (Besides she over heard them talking.) The Nag Hag sidesteps our hero’s attempts and laughs, “I admire your resourcefulness… but your powers don’t work on me!”

Defeated, our Hero is forced to try on shirt after shirt, pants after pants. With every button our Hero becomes weaker and  yet the Nag Hag remains oblivious to his deteriorating state.

“Who is this woman?”, he thinks to himself. The only logical answer to our Hero is that the Nag Hag has been taken over by some type of supernatural being. She is no longer just the Nag Hag she is now…THE EBAY MONSTER! More concerned about making a few bucks than she is about her own son.

In a final moment of clarity, Captain Croc-n-Socks knows what he must do. He slips into his closet and re emerges wearing… HIS SWEATPANTS!

“Listen Carefully” says Captain Croc-n-Sock Captain Sweatpants  loudly. “I am done trying on clothes!” And with that our Hero flops down into his bean bag chair, turns the TV on and sticks his hand into his sweatpants!

And just like that the Nag Hag, no  Ebay Monster no Nag Hag , has been defeated!

One thought on “Captain Sweatpants, I mean Captain Croc-n-Sock vs The Ebay Monster

  1. Oh, no! In time I’m sure the Nag Hag will defeat Captain Croc-n-Socks. Not that day, but I’m sure one day. The Nag Hag just has to bide her time.

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