I Have a “BONER” to Pick With My Husband

Yes you read right, I did not miss spell the word in the title and the clip art gives you a clue as to the theme I am going for. This is a Potty Post! Perhaps someone out there will be able to enlighten me on this one. The question is: For the Love of God could someone please tell me… why can’t the man hit the pot?

Okay before I go any further I want to quickly state 5 nice things about my husband that I am grateful for.
1.) I am grateful to have a husband. Not just any husband, MY husband. He is an honest and good man. He has never laid an angry hand on me and he has always spoken to me with respect. (Of course that was before I wrote a public post about him not being able to pee in the potty!)
2.) I am grateful that my husband helps me around the house. I might have to Nag Hag him to do it, but most of time he jumps right in on his own.
3.) I am grateful that he is a good provider. Daddy can bring home the bacon and with a little nagging… fry it up in a pan too!
4.) Speaking of Daddy… he is a good father. He loves our children, dotes on our children, would do anything for our children and to my knowledge has not once thought about drowning our children which is more than some people can say… I’m just saying!
5.) He makes me laugh and more importantly… he laughs at my stupid jokes… and post too! Right Dear?

Okay, now that you all know I love the man and I am extremely grateful for him… I can BITCH! Actually I am not bitching, I am inquiring. I am requesting a simple answer. Once again, PLEASE, can someone tell me why, no HOW, how can a smart, successful and extremely athletic man possibly miss the toilet? It’s a flexible body part, you would think that it could be easily maneuvered in a way that would allow for flow to land where it is supposed to land and not onto the rug which my bare feet will step onto. YUCK!!! GROSS!!! Am I missing some kind of law of gravity or of aerodynamics here? Maybe the new glasses he just got will help. One can only hope!

I can’t possibly be the only woman here with wet feet! Ladies, raise your voices with me. We won the battle of getting them to put the toilet seat down. Now it is time to move onto being able to use our bathrooms without wearing swim shoes. Can I get an “AMEN SISTER”?

10 thoughts on “I Have a “BONER” to Pick With My Husband

  1. I have been married to your father for 50 years and have the same problem. It started on day one and continue’s to this day. So if you can figure it out please, please let me know….lol.

  2. Well….they can maneuver it any way they want (not always when they want). They can write their name in the snow with it. They can water the plants with it. It is pretty flexible (most of the time). It often does pretty good work when allowed to. So, some of my thoughts:

    1) It isn’t your husbands fault. We’ve all been told the penis has a mind of it’s own. If it decides to pee on the floor it’s not your husbands doing. HE is not in control because I have faith that HE just wouldn’t do that if HE was in control.
    2) He was practicing writing his name so the next time it snows he can do it with perfection.
    3) Target practice.
    4) Are you certain he was the guilty party?
    5) Have you ever seen what some women leave behind when they stand and pee? Talk about wet. eww, Good reason for not going in a public bathroom. At least you know who is wetting your feet in your own bathroom. OMG!!
    I have more, but…. Love your story.

  3. Ha!!! LOVE your post!!!! I found you from BloggyMoms and am your newest follower! Thanks for the laugh!!! I honestly think… not to be mean or anything… but I just think men don’t care. It’s the way they’re wired. This was evidenced over the weekend when I was discussing my son’s penchant for “digging in his butt” and then refusing to wash his hands, then digging in the goldfish bag with “butt hands,” and my father-in-law just shrugged and said, “So what?” Basically he said that men don’t view anything down there as particularly “dirty,” even if it’s their own pee, balls, butt, whatever. YUCK! So anyway, maybe it’s just the way their brains (or lack thereof) work. While women generally obsess about being clean, mean just don’t SEE the dirt and germs. Thank God at least one of the sexes was built to pay attention, or we’d all be living in filth at all times!
    Anyway, if you get a chance, I’d love it if you’d come check out my blog, which is also a humorous look at the joys, trials, and tribulations of motherhood — in fact, my latest post was about my husband getting blood all over our sheets…. so you might be able to relate… he he! I blog at Misadventures in Motherhood , and I’d love it if you’d return the follow! Anyway, hang in there, keep writing the funnies, and have a great day!
    Smiles, Jenn
    http://www.misadventuresinmotherhood.com

  4. this is why i am glad my son has always SAT 🙂 no missing problem…..although i was told it is the splash from such a great distance that is the problem……..

  5. Men need pee goggles to go with their beer goggles. Not only do they miss or drip down the front of the pot, they don’t see it! There is just a different level of acceptable behavior between men and women.

  6. Being a single mother of a girl, I happy to say I don’t have to deal with these issues, although I do have a dog that loves to wait till we leave the house to pee on the floor even if gone for a very short time, and she is female! I’m with Valerie, and have also been the unfortunate recipient of the disgusting messes that women leave behind in a bathroom, not only on the seat!

  7. He he… my son just peed on the bathroom carpet… directly in front of the potty. And now my daughter is splashing in it…. my poor hubby is taking care of it… I should go… but anyway I thought of you and just had to comment! LOL -Jenn

    1. Hubby has chosen to ignore this post… hmmm cannot figure out why! LOL So I guess we need some other brave man to give us the feedback!

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