As our story unfolds we find one of America’s greatest heroes, Captain Sweatpants, sitting in the closet of his bedroom puzzled over an unusual problem. “Strange, the tides all over the earth are following a different pattern. Could something have affected the moon’s gravitational pull? Whatever it is, it has affected the earths weather. What was once cold is now warm. I find this change extremely disturbing! I better stay put here until I figure this out.”
Suddenly the door to our hero’s lair flies open and in bounces America’s Little Firecracker, the girl who can start a spark with one simple smile. But be careful because she can burn you too. Little Firecracker is ready to light up the sky and knows exactly how to do it. Our little sparkler works her way into our hero’s headquarters. “Get out of my lair or else” shouts our hero. “You better get dressed or else you will be late for school… I mean to save the world”, shouts Little Firecracker and then she lights the ignition that is sure to set the room on fire. “Mom, Jay is putting on his sweatpants again instead of shorts like you told him!” With all the force and fury of a runaway pile-driver our hero sends Little Firecracker swirling out of his way. But Little Firecracker is never one to turn away from a fight. WHAM! BAM! POW!
While in the privacy of her own quarters the third member of America’s most colorful Quartet stops primping when she suddenly senses danger. She immediately steps out of her pajama bottoms and into her own Superhero garb. She is now the “NAG HAG”… able to stop children in their tracks with just one look. Her nagging will drive even the most dangerous of criminals to turn themselves in. The Nag Hag senses that the youngest members of their Fantastic Four have begun to fight among themselves.
“Who do you think you are? Why can’t you just leave me alone. You’re not the boss of me.”, shouts Captain Sweatpants. “It’s like a hundred degrees outside. You can’t wear those.” , Little Firecracker snaps back trying to make Captain Sweatpants listen. But Captain Sweatpants has reached the point where reason will not work. But never Fear… NAG HAG is here!
Nag Hag arrives just in time. She shoes Little Firecracker out-of-the-way and makes her way over to the now very upset Captain Sweatpants. “Jay I know you like to wear sweatpants but its spring now. It is already 70 degrees outside and it is supposed to get to be 80 today.” “Captain Sweatpants is still not ready to concede. “But I have PE today. I always wear sweatpants on PE day.” “I know but you will most likely have outdoor PE today. Won’t you be hot?” But Captain Sweatpants still does not give up the fight. “You told me to be an advocate for myself. Well I am. I want to wear sweatpants mom!” The Nag Hag who was ready to put her foot down suddenly is stopped in her tracks. Captain Sweatpants has defeated her. She has realized what he has said, and is so proud of it. “Oh Baby you are right. I am sorry. If you want to wear sweatpants then you go ahead. It doesn’t matter. You are right. You need to advocate for yourself. Here put them back on.” The Nag Hag kisses Captain Sweatpants on the head and leaves him to get dressed.
Nag Hag joins the THING (aka Hubby) in the kitchen. Little Firecracker comes down the stairs with a smirk on her face and sits at the table. Nag Hag and the THING look at one another wondering what the meaning behind the menacing look was all about. But they need not wonder too long. Captain Sweatpants enters the room wearing… SHORTS! He shrugs his shoulders and says, “I started thinking about how hot I was yesterday at PE and decided to put shorts on instead. Why get all overheated and sweaty if I don’t have to?”
And so finally after a long fall and winter season, Captain Sweatpants has finally fallen… we think!