R.I.P Mr. Magic Fish

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be blogging about a tiny fish eraser… but that is exactly what I am doing… AGAIN! It seems Jay is stuck on this. When I picked him up at school yesterday he was crying AGAIN. This time it was because someone threw out his reward poster. Yup… you read correctly. Jay somehow convinced two kids in his class to make reward posters for the missing fish eraser. A tiny 3/4″ eraser. One of those that come in bulk for like $2 a gross. This is what my son is upset about loosing. But it was not even all of these… it was just one. The blue, pink and green one to be exact.

When Jay gets like this there is no reasoning with him. For some reason this eraser meant the world to him. No one could possibly understand just how much so. I know this because he screamed those exact words at me several times. Nothing I said could console him. He was so upset that he woke up hubby who was sleeping because he is working midnight shift this week. In an effort to just get him to calm down, my husband suggested we have a memorial service for the missing fish… ERASER! (I am blaming his lack of sleep for this!) Jay loved the idea. He wanted all of us to say something special about Mr. Magic (yes that is what he named his eraser). Gracie volunteered to make a fake fish out of toilet paper that we could symbolically flush down the toilet. (I know we are a strange bunch.) She even made a special R.I.P. sign. Look carefully and you will see she wrote the years on the tombstone. Too cute

And so after his homework was complete we all gathered around the toilet for a special service. I really should put Jay in acting classes because he was very dramatic. Remember… this was not a real fish… it was an eraser, that he lost! Still he was very serious and even had to turn away to recompose himself. I could not help but snap a picture.

This was what I said during the service, and yes I said it with a straight face.
“I did not know Mr. Magic very well. What I did know about him was that he was very special to Jay, and for that I am thankful. Wherever you are Mr. Magic, I hope you know that Jay loved you very much.”

While putting Jay to bed he thanked me for saying what I said about Mr. Magic and for understanding that he was important to him. I felt so guilty. I was making such light of the whole thing, but to Jay the service was important. The service was very real. He needed the closure. There is a stereotype out there that people with autism don’t feel, they don’t care about things, they are just lost in their own world. Every day my son proves that stereotype wrong. He feels with every ounce of his being. He is so in the moment. He cares. We all can learn from my boy.

There is really only one way I can end this post and that is by saying, “Rest in Peace Mr. Magic!”

10 thoughts on “R.I.P Mr. Magic Fish

  1. I LOVE that your hubby thought of this. Psstt …. YOU are not alone! We do this, too!!! I know. Crazy. BUT IT WORKS! Every time my son loses something, thinks about losing something, or I must throw something away, his sad emotions overwhelm him. It takes practice … lots and lots of practice. So using the small griefs helps him enormously.

    We also have funeral processions. Just sayin.

    1. Now a picture of the funeral procession I would like to see. If Jay was this upset over an eraser… can you imagine how upset he would get over a real FISH? I am always amazed of there almost obsessed attachment to THINGS! I bet you that those people on that show Hoarders are on the spectrum. Now I am just sayin! Thanks for reading and retweeting about it!

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. šŸ˜‰

    It is so very true what you say about that stereotype. It’s such a terrible misconception about children with autism. Our kids feel. They feel so deeply to their cores that sometimes it’s blinding. Thank you for sharing this story. It’s such a powerful reminder of the love we have for our kiddos and the hurt they feel so viscerally over loss.

  3. This brought back memories of the summer of Bob. Bob was a standard pink eraser with a pencil drawn smile. Bob got left behind the last day of school. Many weeks of angst ensued. School is so awesome, Bob was saved in the office and presented to him in the fall by his next teacher.

    1. Oh he must have fallen in love with that new teacher when he saw Bob! What a nice happy ending. I just got a call from Jay’s resource teacher. It seems one of the counselors found another fish eraser and gave it to him. I am sure he is one happy boy about that.

  4. Thank you Jay for this great story, R.I.P Mr. Magic Fish.

    To those on the spectrum, things are not just things. We have excelent imaginations and devise complex stories around even the simplest of objects. The ideas that something inspires are more important than the things inherent monotery value.

    If your sun has talent with acting, run with it šŸ™‚ At the verry least, teach him to write and get him his own blog. Let him explore his creativity in public, not closed in the shell.

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