PLEASE do not ASSUME your 11yr old Aspie gets STRANGER DANGER! I did and I WAS WRONG!!!

Posted on May 17, 2012 | 14 Comments

I have been sitting here trying to figure out how to start this post. You see something happened and I just don’t know how to put it into words. How do I explain that one of the things that I love most about my boy , his loving honest personality, is the very thing that scares the crap out of me? And even more important how do I explain what I need to explain to my boy, my BOY who takes everything so literal, who only thinks in black and white, who already has too many fears and anxiety?

I assumed that he understood the concept of Stranger Danger, that he got it. Since he was a toddler we have talked about strangers. Safety social stories were as frequently read as the Cat in the Hat in my home. I knew my boy was friendly but I never worried about him, because I assumed he understood.When the video about the guy trying to take the girl in Wal-Mart vent viral last year… I had both my kids watch it and then we discussed it! They answered all the questions I asked correctly. I ASSUMED he understood!

I WAS WRONG PEOPLE! Something happened  that opened my eyes to the reality. And it scares the hell out of me.

After Grace’s girl scout meeting all the kids went outside to the playground to burn off a little steam while waiting for their parents to pick them up. I had to drag Jay along with me to the meeting as I had no one else to watch him. He asked if he could play too… and after going over the rules such as don’t chase the girls, not to run (because of his foot) and to stay within my view at all times… I set him loose along with the other girls of my troop. I watched the kids run around and play, screaming and laughing, the way you do when you are 8,9 or in Jay’s case 11 years old. They were having a good time, and well that made me happy.  A mom came to pick up her daughter and I started chatting with her, but still was keeping an eye on all the kids. She was just starting to ask about a possible play date with her daughter and my Grace when all the sudden my heart stopped. I did not see Jay. He wasn’t on the swing, he wasn’t hiding in the tower and then I saw him. He was sitting on a bench chatting away to a man whom I did not know nor did he look like anyone else there did either. I ran over to the bench and grabbed Jay’s hand and rather loudly so the man could hear as well said, “Jay you know better than to talk to strangers.” To which my son said, ” Mom I know his name he is not a stranger any more.” Jay was very confused as we walked away. I quickly called the other girls over as well. Jay went on and on saying how HIS NEW FRIEND told him he was there with his daughter. I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest it was beating so fast because you see the only girls there were MY GIRLS from my troop and this man was none of their fathers! We went inside where I reported the man to the front desk. By the time we came back out he was gone!

I started crying about what might have happened. Jay of course wanted to know why all the waterworks. When I explained to him about how this man was a stranger and how we shouldn’t talk to strangers because we don’t know if they are nice people or not and that it is dangerous… my son said, (Are you sitting down because this is what is so scary and makes you realize just how vulnerable our babies are out there folks)

” MOM how am I ever supposed to make New friends if I don’t talk to people I don’t know? Everyone is a stranger at first. ”

I realized that my boy did not truly understand the difference. I needed a new way to make him understand so I rephrased it and said that there are some people, grownups, out there who we can call TRICKY PEOPLE. Not tricky in a Presto Magic way but in a Trick kids because they want to hurt them way. We talked about how a tricky person might ASK KIDS FOR HELP just to get them alone  or TELL KIDS TO KEEP A SECRET FROM THEIR PARENTS (including, IT’S OKAY TO COME OVER HERE BEHIND THIS TREE WITHOUT ASKING MOM FIRST.  I told him how not asking Mom is the same thing as KEEPING A SECRET.Basically we re-visited the whole Stranger Danger thing. And I made sure Grace was there too… just in case.

Both kids were terrified! So I had to explain that most people are nice but that we never know who a bad person is or what they look like. They don’t come with a sign on them saying Bad Person here and an arrow. Jay kept apologizing saying he was a bad boy. I told him he was not a bad boy, just a very trusting boy. We talked about how we can be polite but STILL REMAIN SAFE! We talked and talked and talked.

I will no longer assume that he got it! I will keep talking about this ever so often for now on. I would rather be a nag then be the mother who sits back and said I should have kept talking!

When your kids get home from school today… perhaps you might want to revisit the subject again too. You just might be surprised about what THEY DON”T GET!

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My Mother’s Day Message to you all…

Posted on May 13, 2012 | Leave a comment

I had promised my family that I would not go on the computer today and spend the whole day with them… but it is Mother’s Day and well I have to come here and tell you all this…
I am blessed to have many great women in my REAL life. I love these beautiful people and truly do not know what I would do without them. And yet…

when my son came into my bedroom this morning, unprompted, and crawled up into my lap and wished me a happy Mother’s day and started telling me WHY he thought I was a great mother… well the first thing I wanted to do was to come here and share it with you, MY VILLAGE!

You see I share something with you that is special. I may not know you, and your story is different than mine, but yet we are the same. Without me having to tell you how HUGE that moment in my bed with my boy was… you get it. And even if you are not there yet with your own child, you are able to celebrate with me. You will see this as a sign of HOPE that one day you too will get that, because people you will. Two years ago that would not have happened, and yet it did.

So although I appreciate every special person in my REAL life, I appreciate EVERYONE of you just as much! Thank you for not judging me, for cheering me on, for your words of wisdom and reminding me that I AM NOT ALONE ON THIS JOURNEY and that I AM A GOOD MOM!

Happy Mother’s Day to you all!

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Let’s Keep it Going…

Posted on May 11, 2012 | Leave a comment

My head is spinning. Over 31,000 people on Facebook and 20,000 here on my blog viewed A Letter To the Mom Who Rolled Her Eyes At My Son. The comments and emails… well they touched my soul to say the least.

My heart breaks to think how much my story resonates to so many others. Actually it makes me very sad to know that so many of you have had your own “Eyes Rolled” moments and much worse.  Story after story brought me to tears. The mother who wrote to me about the man who yelled at her child who was simply playing in a ball pit that he had no business being in there with the other normal kids. The little girl in a packed store who YELLED, ” look at that boy – he’s a freak because his head is so big”. And the mother who wrote, ” I am embarrassed and ashamed to say that I USED to be that mother…that is until I was blessed with a beautiful autistic son.”

I believe many of us USED to be that mother!

Of course, not everyone agreed with the way I handled the situation… perhaps I should have spoken up, drawn more attention to her. But as I said in the letter… I pick and choose my battles.I did what I thought was best at the time and for us.  That was one I just did not have the energy to deal with. I needed to focus on my boy and his therapy.

And for those of you who think I am some type of angel well guess what…I am not perfect. Sometimes the Mama Bear in me escapes and instead of dealing with things with grace and dignity, I lash out. And yes I do believe in educating people and confronting them. I am not very proud of the way I have acted in the past and am making a conscious effort to take the high road. I am choosing to be happy and not bitter. It is not easy, but at the end of the day I definitely like who I see in the mirror better when I act this way.

I am so glad I wrote that letter. Because of it, I have had the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people (like you).  I dream of a world filled with love, compassion, empathy and at the very least tolerance. Perhaps that is why it hurts so much when I see the other side. What I have realized from all of your comments and emails is just how much farther we need to go. How much harder we must fight to bring not just awareness but ACCEPTANCE! We owe it to our kids… to ourselves.

I am not sure if the letter I wrote is the answer… but it certainly got some conversations going, and well that is a start. So I ask you to do me a favor… please keep it going. Forward it on not just to the parents of other special need children… but to all. The only way to make the “eye rolling” stop is to educate people. We need to remind  everyone that our children are watching everything we do. If we want to raise a generation of compassionate kids… we too must be compassionate to one another!

To all of you have written to me and/or shared my letter… Thank you! Seriously from the bottom of my heart… THANK YOU! Because of you we are one step closer to the world I dream of!

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A Letter to the MOTHER who rolled her eyes at my son

Posted on May 8, 2012 | 92 Comments

Dear Other Mother at Physical Therapy,

For the past three days I have watched you roll your eyes at my son. I can see your annoyance with him when he gets loud and interrupts your quiet making it hard for you to read your book. I saw your anger when he accidentally bumped into you and just kept going instead of stopping to say he was sorry. I hear the hostility in your voice as you yell for the technicians to pay attention to your daughter and stop giving my boy extra attention. And for three days I have said nothing.

I said nothing because you see I  empathize with you. Who knows what has brought you to this place, but something happened that made your daughter hurt her leg. That incident may play over and over in your head and keep you up at night and of course make you irritable. Or maybe your daughter is the one waking up at night in pain from her hurt leg. How that must hurt you to see your child in pain… I know that hurt.

I said nothing because if there is one thing this journey I am on has taught me, it is to NOT JUDGE others. We do not know what others are really going through and for this reason I let it slide. BUT then it happened…

It happened as my boy was doing his exercises. To others it may have seemed like an easy task they asked him to do, but for my boy walking around on his heels was anything but easy. Not only did this exercise cause him physical pain from the actual spot that they cut into his foot, it was a different sensation and his neurological system that is wired so different from ours was definitely thrown out of whack. I watched my boy’s face turn red and a rash break out on his forehead the way it always does when he is stressed. He was flapping his arms and doing whatever he could do to try to regulate himself. And then out of nowhere he stopped in front of your daughter.

I watched my boy make direct eye contact with her and without being prompted he said hello. I beamed with pride. But then it happened…

SHE ROLLED HER EYES and looked away from him.

My heart broke.

Thankfully  my boy did not notice, he just kept on doing his exercise but I noticed… and so did you because I saw you watching your daughter as she did it. And you said nothing! You did not prompt her to be polite and say hello back, you let her dismiss my boy.

I do not blame your daughter’s total disrespect for another human being. You see she was only doing what she saw. For three days as she sat back doing her own exercises she watched you roll your eyes and get annoyed with him. She watched your lack of empathy and compassion. Of course this is how she would react.

I write this letter because you see I cannot afford to make a big deal out of this. I have to pick and choose my battles and you dear mother… even though it saddens me… you are not a battle I choose to fight.

I will write this letter and hope that some other mothers out there will read it and think about it and perhaps the next time they feel like rolling their eyes when they see a boy like mine… perhaps they will remember this. Perhaps they will stop and think about who is around them watching the way they are acting. And perhaps they will remember the golden rule and at least encourage their child to politely say hello back to my boy!

And when I see you and your daughter tonight or tomorrow or the next day at therapy, I will continue to be nice and encourage my boy to be the same. I will not judge you even though it would be easy to do. I will accept that we are just… DIFFERENT, and pray that one day you will be able to do the same.

Signed,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          The  Mother of the Autistic Boy

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Realistic Ways to Balance “Momminess” & “Sexiness” (On Mother’s Day & Beyond)- Guest post by author Lori Verni-Fogarsi

Posted on May 1, 2012 | 3 Comments

It is MAY 1st and I have decided that this is the month that I seriously start putting on my oxygen mask first! If you read this blog, you know I have been toying around with this for a while now. So why then all the sudden am I so gun ho? Well… I read this great fictional novel  called, “MOMNESIA” and let’s just say it hit home! You guys have to read this book! It is a quick light read that is funny yet at the same time will make you stop and think! If you are a mom, plan on becoming a mom or have a mom… YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK! Do yourself a favor and buy yourself a copy for Mother’s Day… you won’t be sorry you did!

Anyway, I am fortunate to actually know the fabulous author of this book and was able to charm her into agreeing to do a little post for us here! Yes folks… I am very excited to share with you this incredibly insightful, entertaining and funny guest post by the author of the hot new Novel (my new favorite book) “Momnesia,” Lori Verni-Fogarsi. Lori has been a freelance writer, columnist, journalist, and seminar speaker for 15+ years, and has authored one nonfiction book, “Everything You Need to Know About House Training Puppies and Adult Dogs,” which has been widely acclaimed in its genre. Lori is a happily married mom of two, step mom of two more, and has two cats, both rotten. You are in for a real treat folks. So pour yourself a cup of coffee, kick off your shoes, get comfy and get ready to read a great post. Then afterwards make sure to leave a comment here for Lori telling her what you think. Lori  also invites you to learn more about her and her books at www.LoriTheAuthor.com and join her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/LoriTheAuthor; Twitter: www.twitter.com/LoriTheAuthor; Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/LoriTheAuthor and her Blog: http://lorivernifogarsi.blogspot.com/.

So without further ado, I present to you Lori and her article written especially for Mama’s Turn Now (I feel so special and so should you!):

Realistic Ways to Balance “Momminess” & “Sexiness”                     (On Mother’s Day & Beyond)

 “Balancing momminess and sexiness? Yeah, right!” This is the most common response I hear when I tell people about my novel, “Momnesia.” Until people read it, of course, at which point their response changes to, “The woman in that book is living my life!”

It’s about an unconventional entrepreneur who, struggling between her “momminess” & her “sexiness,” diagnoses herself with Momnesia and sets about finessing a new version of her old vivaciousness. Basically, she is my hero.

However, I’m a realistic person. Let’s face it… I’ve got four kids! Two daughters, 11 & 14, and two step sons, 17 & 19. Not to mention two cats, two houses, and two husbands (although not simultaneously of course!). Are you noticing a theme here? There are two of everyone else, but only one of me. Yikes!

To top it off, one of my daughters has ADHD and while she is a fantastic kid, I’ve seriously considered creating a recording that plays in a continuous loop, “Don’t forget… you’re in there to brush your teeth. Are you almost done?” I could save my voice by playing this every morning between 6:30 – 7:30 am and every night from 8:30 – 9:30 pm. In fact, I could probably develop a multi-pack CD set including many popular phrases like, “Remember, we’re leaving in five minutes!” and “Your homework needs to go directly INTO your backpack.”

Yet I did say that I’m a realistic person. I’m also a fact-oriented person and when it comes to making choices, my default response is to ask myself, “Which is worse?” Sure, life is exhausting. Between work, family, household responsibilities, and the multitude of additional exercises of my patience, it would be very easy (and has been in the past) to just put my Self off for another time—some fictional day in the future when I’ll finally have time to pursue my own interests (also known as both shampooing my hair and shaving my legs in the same shower).

At the same time, I got to a point where I missed Myself, and when push came to shove the answer to “Which is worse?” was, for me, that it’s even more exhausting to live my life to the complete exclusion of Myself than it is to find ways to treat myself well on a daily basis.

So I decided to come up with what I call Small Daily Decadences. Sure, it would be nice to go to a spa retreat for a weekend with my girlfriends, but I can’t sit around waiting for that to happen! Instead, I integrate small, manageable things to my daily life, which I have found make me feel more relaxed, less resentful, and more energetic overall!

For example, I personally feel like drinking coffee in bed is a super decadent thing. So in the morning, instead of staying downstairs in the kitchen with my coffee, I bring it back up to the bedroom to sip it (albeit still yelling down the hall, “Don’t forget, you’re in there to brush your teeth!…”). It may seem like a small thing, but for me, it makes me feel like I’ve started my day doing something really special for myself.

Other things I enjoy include lighting scented candles even when no company is coming, wearing my “big girl” clothes instead of “saving them” for some fictional day, eating a Hershey’s kiss and actually taking a moment to savor it, and drawing the line with my kids at certain times in the evenings and on weekends when they know that it’s Mommy’s time and no, I do not want to play Twister (again), thank you very much!

What about you? Can you think of some Small Daily Decadences you can implement into your life? (Feel free to share them by commenting below!) Maybe your gift to yourself could be to start them on Mother’s Day and commit to do them well beyond! I look forward to hearing your ideas!

 

 

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Just Keep Swimming Just Keep Swimming!!!

Posted on April 30, 2012 | 1 Comment

For some families, weekends are all about sporting events. They pack their mini vans with portable chairs and a cooler of drinks and off they head to the soccer field to watch little Johnny score another goal. For others the weekends are all about family adventures… a time to explore a cavern, hike a nature trail or camp in the woods.

And then there is my family.

I am reasonable with my expectations for weekends. For us the weekend is about just relaxing as my boy needs that down time after being on GO all week. But every once in a while I long for an outing. Oh sure we have managed to be able to do a movie together … but I am talking about an outing like a nice picnic in the park. You know, sitting on a blanket , eating fried chicken with our hands, seeing who could spit watermelon seeds the furthest, gazing lazily up at the sky making pictures out of the clouds and then flying kites. Doesn’t that sound dreamy? I tried for this type of day once, the end result was… complaints about the grass being itchy, a scrunched up nose and vocal grunt over the idea of eating COLD chicken or even picking up wet messy watermelon and the one time I did get him to lay down on the blanket (ON THE ITCHY GRASS) he drove the rest of us crazy  because every cumulonimbus would end up looking like a Doctor Who Dalek and no other option was ever considered. I returned the kite to store UN-opened… why bother.

But every once in a while, my boy manages to surprises us all. Yesterday was one of those days.

We were not planning on doing anything, which means when I announced to the rest of the Fuentes troop that I wanted them to stop playing video games, stop watching Hannah Montana on the Ipad and don’t even think about walking out that door to go to the gym mister… cause MAMA has an idea; well I expected to get a lot of push back. But the gang surprised me and everyone was on board.

An hour later we were in the car on the way into DC to attend the 4th Annual Autism Awareness Day at the National Aquarium event. Hubby dropped us off so he could find parking (it’s DC remember) and so that Jay would not have to walk so far. Grace grabbed one arm and I grabbed Jay’s other and three of us hobbled into the basement of the Commerce Building which is where the aquarium is located. We paid our discounted rate and made our way over to the table and room that was set up by the wonderful DC Autism Parents ladies. I practically had to yank Jay out of the gift shop (what is it with my boy and over priced gift shop  stuffed animals) and pull him back with us. Grace busied herself with making a shark puppet and Jay read interesting facts about FISH on the wall while we waited for hubby to join us. It was then that I had the pleasure of meeting Yetta the president and executive director of DC Autism Parents and Sonja. Ends up that Yetta and I had been in touch already and that she knew this blog. Jay overhearing got very excited as did Gracie. “We’re famous mom. People are recognizing us.”, they whispered into my year.  How cute is that? We chatted for a bit and then Hubby joined us and we set out to do what we came to do… see some fish.

Here is the great thing… the National Aquarium is small and quiet and was not very crowed at all… do you see where I am going here with this? YUP… the perfect combination for my boy. Jay got to show off his amazing knowledge about the sea creatures, Grace caught to skip around cooing over the cute seahorses and turtles and oooing the icky eels and scary sharks… hubby and I got to relax and just let them be… well THEM! It was great!  SO great that we let them go back into the gift shop and yes Jay got the overpriced stuffed albino alligator he HAD to get as well as these cool magnetic balls and Grace got some cute glow in the dark turtle necklace and all was great in the world.

Everyone was so happy that we were actually able to try a new place to eat (Of course it had pizza so the kids did not mind) and we even got to do something that Grace has been asking to do forever… go to Georgetown Cupcakes which is more commonly known to the rest of the world as DC Cupcakes from the TLC show. The line outside was not too long so Hubby dropped the two of us off and we were able to not just see the place but go in… we scored ourselves some yummy cupcakes too!

So what was the lesson learned from all this… It’s a big ocean out there and sometimes it is easy to get lost in it and you may want to give up especially when you see how easy it is for some of the other schools of fish to just swim by. BUT you just got to do what Dori the Fish says, “Just Keep Swimming” because you never know what will happen if you do!

Enjoy a few pictures of our day!

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Never Leave a Fallen Solider Behind…

Posted on April 27, 2012 | 2 Comments

I am changing stuff up here folks because well… I need to. This post will still be about Autism but it is not about my journey with it. No this  post is about the 23,000 military family children who have autism’s journey.

Last month I had the great honor of meeting a very active military spouse who is an outstanding Military Family Advocate. This gentleman is also the father to a special needs child himself. Although his child does not have autism, he knows how difficult it is for the families who do to get the services they need to help their child. You see TRICARE  is a federal program and not subject to state insurance laws . Currently TRICARE segregates ABA ( Applied Behavior Analysis) treatment into a separate arm of TRICARE called the Extended Care Health Option (ECHO).  ECHO is a secondary enrollment to the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) and is only available for dependents of active-duty service members.  Let me repeat that… active duty service members only. That means that those who retire after twenty years and those who are forced to medically retire due to injury or disease are not eligible to access ABA treatments for their child.

I asked my new friend what I could do to help, there had to be something. He said to please help spread the word and to get people to support the HR2288, Caring for Military Kids with Autism Act,  which addresses the medical necessity of ABA treatment for autism, and removes barriers of the ECHO program. I promised him I would.

For several weeks I have been trying to figure out how I could write a post that would touch you readers and make you actually take action. What could I say that would make a difference. Then today I saw Jess ‘from A Diary of  A Mom post.  I watched the video  and I knew that this was what I needed to post. This is what you all needed to see. For if this  doesn’t move you to act, well then I don’t know what will. So please watch this video below and then click HERE and ask your United States House of Representatives to support CMKAA.  The site makes it easy to do and even has the email written out for you. Please do  it for the 23,000 Military Family children with autism. As it says on the site,

” For all that our brave men and women do to keep us tucked safely asleep at night, we surely cannot deny our military families access to the care our warrior kids with autism need and are entitled to.”

Never leave a fallen solider behind…


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What Goes on Must Come OFF- Jay’s cast removal

Posted on April 25, 2012 | 1 Comment

Well today was the day that we all were waiting for and dreading… the cast came off. Jay was over it!  Talk about sensory overload. The itchiness, the idea of all that dirt in there, the weight of it… too much. And yet he was so anxious about what he would find underneath. My boy, the same kid who has to know in detail about everything else, did not want to know or SEE how they removed the bone. We took Grace out of school too so we could make it a special occasion. We told him how afterwards we would go out to eat a late lunch, that kind of thing. Gracie I am happy to report was a superstar and even held her brother’s hand as you will see in the pictures. Very sweet.

On to some pictures…

 

The masterpiece before being cut off. Can you see the Dalek (Doctor Who) hubby drew on their for him. Super sweet!

 

 

Here is one of Grace holding her brother’s hand. Notice also that they gave Jay the headphones again for the noise. This time though he opted to just shut his eyes and did not need the blind fold.

 

 

Did I mention how heavy this thing had to be? look at all the gauze that was in there.

 

OKAY WARNING… for those with a weak tummy stop here because the next shot is a picture of the actual incision. It isn’t that bad… so just look. You know you want to. They cut into one side of the foot and literally went through to the other side. What you cannot see is that there is a hole (small like the size of a push-pin) on the other side. I know both creepy yet fascinating at the same time. One of those you can’t help but look even if you don’t want to. To think they actually removed a portion of bone through this. WOW modern medicine.

So there you have it. The only stitches that were taken out were the ones from the hole and Jay did not even feel it. The incision stitches were the dissolved kind. They put him in a boot and sent us off with a prescription for PT. Jay is all wobbly and stiff but trying hard to actually walk on it. We have our first PT session on Tuesday… Wish us luck.

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Wordless Wednesday- 1,000 FANS MEANS CAKE!

Posted on April 25, 2012 | Leave a comment

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When you look in the mirror what do you see?

Posted on April 23, 2012 | 2 Comments

I have a confession to make… I am a fake, a liar a really good actress. I know how to dish out advice but actually following it… I am not so good at.  Perhaps I should back up a little so you understand where this is coming from.

Gracie has been having a real hard time this past week. With Jay needing even more of my time because of his foot she has been , well jealous, unruly and even downright disrespectful. Not just to me… at school to her teachers and her friends too. In fact her teacher even said to me, “Sharon I get where it is coming from, but if you don’t get a hold of this now, well when hormones kick in…” I left shaking my head in agreement, I mean she was not telling me anything I did not already know.Why couldn’t my daughter just be happy? Why does she crave so much attention, care so much about what others think, need others to build her up? Doesn’t she know that the only person who can make her happy is herself?

Then it hit me… Gracie is me! What have I done? What kind of example have I set for my daughter? What kind of mom am I? Over and over I did this. I beat myself up and belittled my own mothering skills. I talked to my husband… wanting desperately for him to reassure me to lift me up to give me the attention I needed… I did the same thing Grace was doing.

How can I teach my daughter to accept herself, to love herself, to be comfortable in her own skin… if I am constantly doubting, knocking myself down, trying to change things about myself in an effort to feel worthy of my own self love?

I tried explaining this sudden realization to my husband and he got all concerned and wanted to know if I needed to talk to someone or perhaps I  should go to the gym with him if I was feeling so bad about the way I looked and felt. The poor guy… he is a fixer and well that would be an easy fix. No… I know what the problem is and I KNOW what a doctor would tell me and although I could defiantly benefit from the gym that is not what this about. You see self-improvement is great; however, if we are always feeling that we aren’t good enough as we are, we will never be satisfied by any of the changes we make.  What I need is  to arrive at a place of true self acceptance. If I don’t get there, no matter how many pounds and inches I lose I won’t be happy.

I think I have always known this, but doing it… well that is another story. That is why I put everyone else needs first. It is much easier to concentrate on everyone else. Besides, then I have a reason to feel like crap, grumpy and lost.  Problem is when we place ourselves last on our own lists, we can end up feeling resentful and looking to others to fill us up. When they can’t or won’t, we might point to our own unworthiness as the cause or blame them for being insensitive! This ends up being a no-win situation. It leaves you feeling even more grumpy, lost and like a horrible person.

So I looked in the mirror this morning… I mean really really looked. What did I see? Yes I saw the extra pounds I have put on and the gray hairs popping out. I did notice the tiny little lines starting to form around my mouth and the bags from lack of sleep under my eyes. But for the first time in a LONG TIME… I saw something else there. I saw a person staring back at me with KIND EYES. The same eyes that see my boy for who he is instead of what the world wants him to be. The eyes that have no problem not only accepting him for the extraordinary person he is… loving him with every ounce of my being. So why then…why can’t I see myself with those eyes and my daughter too?Why do I judge myself so harshly and hold my daughter to same hard standards? It’s not fair to either one of us.

I looked into the mirror today and I saw the truth. Now the question is what to do with that!

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

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